Fire Brigade Duties

"Hey!" screamed Herry. "Eat my apple juice!"
"I'm trying, boss!" mumbled Jerry. They were standing on a building with a penguin.
"Squeak!" said the penguin.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" screamed Herry. He died, and Jerry and the penguin got married and lived happily ever... not! Jerry died of food poisoning, and the penguin was hung for treason after killing the Queen. They had three sons, Ollie, Bob, and Chris, but Ollie was burned at the stake by a lobster, Chris drowned trying to brush his teeth, and Bob had seventeen sons before he was murdered by a reincarnation of Henry VIII. The sons were: Bobby, Charlie, Alex, David, Peter, Richard, Julian, Jack, William, Samuel, Rob, Emilius, Henry, Jerry, Michael, Andrew, and John O'Bobby Cristiano Wolfgang Wozza Muff. Bobby had his head cut off by a fox that he nearly ran over, Charlie was executed by a Bionicle, Alex tripped over playing football, David watched too much TV so he exploded, Peter was blown up by terrorists, Richard died of a heart attack on Halloween, Julian was shot in the head by Father Christmas, Jack did of boredom after all his possessions were pushed off a cliff in a shopping trolley, William was forced to stay with his Great Aunt Grizelda who was a cannibal and ate him, Samuel fell off a cliff into the sea, Rob was poisoned by a Government poisoner, Emilius went to war in Iraq and got blasted to bits by a nuclear bomb, Henry's brain exploded during a Maths lesson, Jerry went to stay with a scientist and accidentally got transported back in time and got eaten by a Tyrannosaurus Rex, Michael fell down the stairs and had serious brain damage, Andrew's bottom was mistaken for a dartboard in the World Darts Championships, and John O'Bobby Cristiano Wolfgang Wozza Muff died of old age.
The End!

How to Speak Japanese

1. Add pasta, a T-shirt, and a pencil together in a bowl.
2. Stir thoroughly with an ice-cream scoop.
3. Hang on the washing line to dry.
4. Build a large bomb shelter.
5. Fill the bomb shelter with cake.
6. Take the mixture off the washing line and take it to the hairdresser's.
7. Tell the hairdressers to give it a Mohican hairstyle.
8. Shave it.
9. Give it to a cat to play with it for a few days.
10. Eat it.
11. Eat the bomb shelter.
12. Hire a Chinese teacher for 3 years.
13. Fire the Chinese teacher for not teaching you Japanese.
15. Hire a Japanese teacher for 3 years.
Well done! You have successfully learnt Japanese!

2+15=295 as the duck dances

Ho ho ho! Christmas isn't tomorrow, so everybody eat! "Why not?" asked the lawnmower. "Because the steak was on holiday at the time!" roared the chickadee. "OK, I've changed my mind," said Caecilius. "I will eat your socks for you!"

Oh dear. To call the emergency procedures,
1. Call 01223 106666 for a vivid description of your local bathtub.
2. Eat 25 gallons of pickled boar.
3. Go dancing with a washing machine at 11:39 at night.
4. Wake up in the morning and fall out of bed.
5. Go to the post office to buy some stamps, but stick them on the postman instead.

Spud cupboard

1.Toy cars neutralise orage juice with the windscreen
2. I have no idea wahat 48 is.
48. Congratulations! You have finshed the challenge!
16. Hang DVDs on the washing line if bored.
24. To place the stamp on the letter, call:64586457584245656556419752158452144541450326262 to recive your free membership pack with further detals of how to do this. Member ship pack will come in the next 2 months
Real Note: This is all nosense. It's just funny.

Henry Jenkins- the play

Chicken- Hey, Joey!
Dog- Boo!
The people watching- Hi-yah!

Whenever Lord Voldemort scores a goal, I hide in the toilet. He was dead in a flash. "Oh no, my printer's not biting!" shouted the headmaster, smiling nastily. "I think I have pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicavolcanoniosis!" said the duck.























Wow.

Henry Jenkins

Who loves History?
A peck above the other morons, that's what I say, eh? Oh yeah, we won, oh yeah, we won, woo hoo.

Jokes+pickles

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Joe.
Joe who?
Jerry.

Why did the polar bear dance with the plane?
Because they were evil and the candle had nearly gone.

How many golfing idiots are there in a pack of diamonds?
723.

Why couldn't Andy Murray eat the sardines?
They were photo albums in disguise.

Chav Lawnmowers

1. Cheese.
2. The banana was crying, so the jaguar gave it a racing car.
3. To insert credit card, press the 'monkey' button and call 01223 487487487 for further accusations.
Chapter 4926: I do not understand the formula of the dead cuckoo but I will try to. "Go away!" cried the milkman. The evil big thing cackled sillily. Then the snail expired in the steam room. "What?" said Caecilius. "I won't eat your socks for you, thank you very much!"

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